My Experience: The Challenge of Avoiding Hard Conversations

At the heart of many organisational dilemmas is the aversion to hard conversations, a topic I can definitely relate to. I always hated having them. Like many, I found myself breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought of confrontational discussions. This aversion stemmed not from a lack of care but from a deep-seated discomfort with conflict. The thought that I might upset or offend by raising points regarding performance or behaviour.

By continuously postponing inevitable conversations, I was merely kicking the can down the road, hoping problems would somehow dissolve on their own. However, as is often the case, the issues at hand didn't shrink; they festered and grew.

n one case I deferred having a conversation with an underperforming staff member for several months. And then danced delicately around the edge of the issue for a while. Surprise, surprise there was no improvement. In the end, things spiralled out of control a little and the hard conversation was forced when the staff member's performance severely impacted a project, causing significant delays and overruns — an outcome that could have been mitigated or entirely avoided.

What I've Learned: The Power of Embracing Difficult Dialogues

The epiphany that transformed my approach to hard conversations was the understanding that avoiding them was a disservice to not only the individual involved but to the entire team. This realisation was a turning point, compelling me to confront the problem head-on.

Embracing difficult conversations doesn't merely resolve immediate issues; it fosters a culture of openness, trust, and accountability. Through practice and preparation, I discovered that these discussions could become less daunting and more constructive. They hold the power to not only rectify current challenges but also to prevent future ones, contributing to a healthier, more resilient organisational dynamic.

My journey led me to develop a systematic approach to preparing for and engaging in hard conversations. By first outlining my thoughts and concerns, and then discussing these preparations with a peer for feedback, I was able to approach these discussions with clarity and confidence. This method not only facilitated more effective communication but also ensured that the conversations were productive, respectful, and solutions-oriented.

TL;DR:

• Avoiding hard conversations just leads to bigger problems; the issue won’t go away. It will just grow and have an ever-increasing blast radius.

• Embracing hard conversations, through practice and preparation, not only solves immediate problems but can also foster a positive organisational culture.

• Preparing for difficult conversations systematically can help dispel the discomfort. Seeking feedback from a more experienced peer before engaging can maximise the potential for positive outcomes and personal learning.